Hi Honey,
Its been a while. I am sorry I havent talked to you in a while the girls keep me going in circles and 90 to nothing. I went and saw you last week, your grave looks so good. There is no more bare spotsand there is grass all over, thank God. Now I can sit down and talk to you. Oh babe I miss you.
I have been thinking about you more often and missing you more again this past week. I dont know if it is because the kids are growing up so much and doing new things that i wished you were here to see or what. I just know I miss you. The other day I went for a walk and the area in our housing addition that is the far west out by the school there is still open feild out there. That evening there was a thunder storm in the background and what looked like a golden field which actually it was just dry but I like to imagine as a golden wheat field. Anyways I stopped to look at the storm it was the most beautiful thing. It looked just like the picture I imagined right after you passed everytime I wanted to see you I would picture a beautiful wheatfield and the wind slightly rippling through and I knew you were there. I could feel you there with me it was so peaceful. I felt like if I could just walk out there I would be able to see you, to touch you, to talk to you. I wish I could. I sure do miss our laughs, are sarcasim, our annoyance, all the above, I miss us! But since I cant have that anymore I will just continue to look at golden feilds and picture you there in such peace in God's country. I love you!!!
Randall in a few short months it will be a year since you have gone to a much better place with such love and peace we can only imagine of. As time heals and as time passes I will still carry you in my heart and will always treasure what we had and what we made together. I will treasure our life together. I ask of you to give me peace to move forward, to find happiness in life again and to have strength, courage, and knowledge and most of all love to raise our children and provide for our children. To raise them in a Christian upliving so one day we will all be together. I need your blessing and your encouragement. Know that I love you and will always love you more than words would and could ever describe. I thank you for being apart of my life and showing me what love feels like. Until we meet again remember I love you, always have, always will and I will talk to you soon.
Love,
Your wife....Tiffany
Monday, July 30, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
7/8/12
Hi my Sweet Love,
I just wanted to say I love you! Not much is going on here. My life is pretty much a routine get up get ready, take the kids to daycare, go to work, come home, hang out with the kids, go to bed and do it all over again. I just miss sharing all of this with you the good and the bad. I just miss you Randall.
All the girls are together this next couple of weeks. Tess just loves Tay and Tay is so good with her. And Riley just smiles at the both of them. We have some beautiful girls honey you would be so proud. You might drink a little heavier having all the estrogen in the house...lol!!!!
We love you Randall and we miss you everyday. Keep watching over us, and wrap your arms around each of us so we can feel your love. Goodnight honey!
Love, Tiffany
I just wanted to say I love you! Not much is going on here. My life is pretty much a routine get up get ready, take the kids to daycare, go to work, come home, hang out with the kids, go to bed and do it all over again. I just miss sharing all of this with you the good and the bad. I just miss you Randall.
All the girls are together this next couple of weeks. Tess just loves Tay and Tay is so good with her. And Riley just smiles at the both of them. We have some beautiful girls honey you would be so proud. You might drink a little heavier having all the estrogen in the house...lol!!!!
We love you Randall and we miss you everyday. Keep watching over us, and wrap your arms around each of us so we can feel your love. Goodnight honey!
Love, Tiffany
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
7/4/12
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Randall, Happy Birthday to you!!!
Happy Birthday my Love, I am so absolutely sure that you are having a fantastic birthday party in heaven and now I can actually say you are playing catch with Moses you old fart....lol!!!! I couldn't resist :)
So I did ok for a little bit but then I just couldn't help it I went for a walk this evening to clear my head and I just cried. I miss you so much. I was walking and their was a nice cool breeze the sound of a soft wind, and people in the background, kids running around so much peace and happiness around me but my heart was nothing but broken. All I could picture was your face, sitting in the back yard will actually we would of probably been at the lake or out at the Cox's shooting fireworks and drinking cold beer and you my love would of had a huge grin on your face and I am sure by now you would of been feeling pretty good...LOl! I miss it, the laughter, the conversations, and again your presence.
We did celebrate your birthday today me, Tess, Riley and my mom went to the cemetery to see you today and to send our birthday balloons up to you. Each balloon had a message to you. Tess actually released them all for us, she did so good of course her balloon had to be purple :) but when she released them she said "balloon went by by in the sky to daddy, by by daddy love you." It melted but broke broke my heart. She should be helping you blow out candles not saying by by. Life seems so backwards sometimes. But I have to have faith, Faith knowing all things are good and that we will be ok. Faith that one day I will have peace and that one day I will see you again.
We celebrate your life today because you are so precious and so loved. You will always be celebrated in our eyes and in our hearts and we love you. So Honey Happy Birthday and Happy 4th of July!!
Love, Tiffany
Happy Birthday my Love, I am so absolutely sure that you are having a fantastic birthday party in heaven and now I can actually say you are playing catch with Moses you old fart....lol!!!! I couldn't resist :)
So I did ok for a little bit but then I just couldn't help it I went for a walk this evening to clear my head and I just cried. I miss you so much. I was walking and their was a nice cool breeze the sound of a soft wind, and people in the background, kids running around so much peace and happiness around me but my heart was nothing but broken. All I could picture was your face, sitting in the back yard will actually we would of probably been at the lake or out at the Cox's shooting fireworks and drinking cold beer and you my love would of had a huge grin on your face and I am sure by now you would of been feeling pretty good...LOl! I miss it, the laughter, the conversations, and again your presence.
We did celebrate your birthday today me, Tess, Riley and my mom went to the cemetery to see you today and to send our birthday balloons up to you. Each balloon had a message to you. Tess actually released them all for us, she did so good of course her balloon had to be purple :) but when she released them she said "balloon went by by in the sky to daddy, by by daddy love you." It melted but broke broke my heart. She should be helping you blow out candles not saying by by. Life seems so backwards sometimes. But I have to have faith, Faith knowing all things are good and that we will be ok. Faith that one day I will have peace and that one day I will see you again.
We celebrate your life today because you are so precious and so loved. You will always be celebrated in our eyes and in our hearts and we love you. So Honey Happy Birthday and Happy 4th of July!!
Love, Tiffany
Monday, July 2, 2012
7/2/12
Hello my Love,
Its been a while since I last wrote you, I am so sorry, your kiddos have kept me busy. :) So it will be nine months this month since you went home to Jesus. I cant believe it has been that long and not only that but you would have been 42 this week, you old man...LOL. I thought of your birthday today well I been thinking about it alot lately, and I remeber how I would tease you about being old, "playing catch with Moses", and so on and you would reply " I can still do circles around you. You were such a smart butt and so true. I miss you babe, I so miss our laughter our sarcasism, our marriage. You were and always and will be everything I ever wanted in life. Lordy, why did you have to go.
Ok so for you birthday I still have to celebrate and remind you that you are old, j/k, me and the girls are going to send balloons up to you so be watching for them. We will come see you and lay some pretty flowers on you grave and sing Happy Birthday! We love you so much and just want to let you know I am so glad you were apart of my life for seven wonderful years and thank you for my family that we created together. I love you.
On another note, update on your kids! Taylor just turned 14, my oh my she has turned into a beautiful young woman. Her mom sent me pictures of her birthday party and she had a red solo cup themed birthday it was really cute. She misses you Randall. She just got to amarillo tonight to stay with us for three weeks, I am really excited to see her. Your second daughter, Miss Tess Miss Thing, well she is crazy as ever but she is sooo smart and I am not just saying that but she really is. Such a fast learner, she knows all her colors, can count to ten, and knows pictures, and shapes, she also sings her ABC's. I am so proud of her, I just wish she would use some of that smarts and learn not to sass me and listen to what I have to say. She is very head strong. She also has turned into quite the swimmer, she loves it and is so good at it. She still wears a life jacket but she is going under water and everything. She misses you too, she tells me often that her daddy is in the sky, so shine extra bright at night so she can see you. And your youngest girl, Miss Riley, will needless to say she is eating me out of the house, she is well over 17 lbs and is wearing 9 month clothes and she is just turning five months old. I had to start her on baby food because she likes to eat all the time. :) But she is one happy baby, always smiling, laughing and only cries when she is hungry go figure. She also loves Tessa, she just laughs at her all the time and watches every move, she lights up when tess is around even if Tess is pulling on her foot, or squeezing her hand, she just sits there and laughs, whats wrong with this picture...LOL!
Lastly update on me... I am doing ok. It seems lately I have struggled again. I miss you. I think I am finally going through acceptance. I have accepted that you are gone I might not like it but I have accepted it. I was telling mom yesterday that my greiving feels different. I know I dont have that sick to my stomach, vomit, gut wrenching sadness anymore. I just feel sad, I long for you and I feel for my girls. I would do anything and everything if I could have you back here with me but I know that wont happen so I will just keep our memories alive and I will continue to talk to you and about you. I love you Randall Scott Rogers, always will. Until next time......
Love, Tiffany
Its been a while since I last wrote you, I am so sorry, your kiddos have kept me busy. :) So it will be nine months this month since you went home to Jesus. I cant believe it has been that long and not only that but you would have been 42 this week, you old man...LOL. I thought of your birthday today well I been thinking about it alot lately, and I remeber how I would tease you about being old, "playing catch with Moses", and so on and you would reply " I can still do circles around you. You were such a smart butt and so true. I miss you babe, I so miss our laughter our sarcasism, our marriage. You were and always and will be everything I ever wanted in life. Lordy, why did you have to go.
Ok so for you birthday I still have to celebrate and remind you that you are old, j/k, me and the girls are going to send balloons up to you so be watching for them. We will come see you and lay some pretty flowers on you grave and sing Happy Birthday! We love you so much and just want to let you know I am so glad you were apart of my life for seven wonderful years and thank you for my family that we created together. I love you.
On another note, update on your kids! Taylor just turned 14, my oh my she has turned into a beautiful young woman. Her mom sent me pictures of her birthday party and she had a red solo cup themed birthday it was really cute. She misses you Randall. She just got to amarillo tonight to stay with us for three weeks, I am really excited to see her. Your second daughter, Miss Tess Miss Thing, well she is crazy as ever but she is sooo smart and I am not just saying that but she really is. Such a fast learner, she knows all her colors, can count to ten, and knows pictures, and shapes, she also sings her ABC's. I am so proud of her, I just wish she would use some of that smarts and learn not to sass me and listen to what I have to say. She is very head strong. She also has turned into quite the swimmer, she loves it and is so good at it. She still wears a life jacket but she is going under water and everything. She misses you too, she tells me often that her daddy is in the sky, so shine extra bright at night so she can see you. And your youngest girl, Miss Riley, will needless to say she is eating me out of the house, she is well over 17 lbs and is wearing 9 month clothes and she is just turning five months old. I had to start her on baby food because she likes to eat all the time. :) But she is one happy baby, always smiling, laughing and only cries when she is hungry go figure. She also loves Tessa, she just laughs at her all the time and watches every move, she lights up when tess is around even if Tess is pulling on her foot, or squeezing her hand, she just sits there and laughs, whats wrong with this picture...LOL!
Lastly update on me... I am doing ok. It seems lately I have struggled again. I miss you. I think I am finally going through acceptance. I have accepted that you are gone I might not like it but I have accepted it. I was telling mom yesterday that my greiving feels different. I know I dont have that sick to my stomach, vomit, gut wrenching sadness anymore. I just feel sad, I long for you and I feel for my girls. I would do anything and everything if I could have you back here with me but I know that wont happen so I will just keep our memories alive and I will continue to talk to you and about you. I love you Randall Scott Rogers, always will. Until next time......
Love, Tiffany
Thursday, June 14, 2012
6-14-12
This week has not been a good week. I have really missed you Randall. I miss hearing your voice, talking on the phone with you, and your presence. I feel so lonely without you here. Oh how I wish you could come back to me. I have heard a saying " I wish there was a direct line to heaven so I could call and talk to you."
I have leaned on the verse this week and have it on my desk " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord." I keep telling myself that because I know there is a reason God took you, I know he has plans for me and the girls, but I just cant help but wonder what and why.
It will be 8 months tomorrow since i last saw you, wow I can't believe its been that long ago. You know it still doesnt seem real. I have accepted that you are gone but it still doesnt feel real I keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare.
Tessa is been saying Daddy alot, wanting to look at your pictures so one day she saw a man in a pick up truck and said "Daddy's truck, Daddy" and I replied no honey that is not daddy, he is in heaven she looked at me puzzled so I said Daddy is in the sky. She lit up and said Daddy in the sky, so every morning on the way to school she lets me know that Daddy is in the sky. It breaks my heart Randall that she does not understand where you are or that she will never have you in her life and that Riley will never know her daddy. It breaks my heart that I have to hear Daddy is in the sky. What am I suppose to do. I am so tired, there is so much responsibility as a single parent, the worries, the good and the bad that both parents share together is now completely on me, oh how I am so tired. So again I tell myself " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord." I know the Lord will see us through this, I know he gives me strength, and I know he carries me when I feel like I cant walk another step through this storm. I know one day he will give me peace.
I love you Randall, I will always love you forever.......Love....Tiffany your wife, soul mate, and best friend.
I have leaned on the verse this week and have it on my desk " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord." I keep telling myself that because I know there is a reason God took you, I know he has plans for me and the girls, but I just cant help but wonder what and why.
It will be 8 months tomorrow since i last saw you, wow I can't believe its been that long ago. You know it still doesnt seem real. I have accepted that you are gone but it still doesnt feel real I keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare.
Tessa is been saying Daddy alot, wanting to look at your pictures so one day she saw a man in a pick up truck and said "Daddy's truck, Daddy" and I replied no honey that is not daddy, he is in heaven she looked at me puzzled so I said Daddy is in the sky. She lit up and said Daddy in the sky, so every morning on the way to school she lets me know that Daddy is in the sky. It breaks my heart Randall that she does not understand where you are or that she will never have you in her life and that Riley will never know her daddy. It breaks my heart that I have to hear Daddy is in the sky. What am I suppose to do. I am so tired, there is so much responsibility as a single parent, the worries, the good and the bad that both parents share together is now completely on me, oh how I am so tired. So again I tell myself " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord." I know the Lord will see us through this, I know he gives me strength, and I know he carries me when I feel like I cant walk another step through this storm. I know one day he will give me peace.
I love you Randall, I will always love you forever.......Love....Tiffany your wife, soul mate, and best friend.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Hello my love,
I have been thinking of you a lot these past couple of days. I miss you so much, my life seems to be getting busier and I wish you were here with me. There are days that I just stop and think I cant believe you are really gone. Some days it feels so real because of the loneliness and emptiness and then there are days where I think you are going to call me any day now or walk through that front door. I miss you!
I see our friends with her spouses and other people with their spouses and I get so jealous how I would do anything to have you walking by my side or holding my hand or even annoying me so I could complain about how you don't do anything like every wife does about there husbands....lol! I miss talking to you, doing things together, I miss you always wondering what we were going to eat or fix for supper even though when you were alive it drove me nuts because it seemed like that's all you thought about some days...:) You were such a mess, a mess that I love soooooo much. I miss you!
I came to see you on memorial day and put some flowers on your grave. I looked around and saw so many loved ones visiting there loved ones. It looked so nice out there to see all the American flags flying around. I also felt sorry for my self that day because all I could think of was that everyone else was barbecuing with their families or at the lake or on vacation while I was visiting my husbands grave and putting flowers on it. You know its just not fair, its funny how the small things will break your heart. I miss you!
I miss you Randall I will always miss you and I love you! Please wrap your arms around me tonight so I can feel your touch and I can feel your love once again. I love you and I miss you.
Love,
Tiffany
I have been thinking of you a lot these past couple of days. I miss you so much, my life seems to be getting busier and I wish you were here with me. There are days that I just stop and think I cant believe you are really gone. Some days it feels so real because of the loneliness and emptiness and then there are days where I think you are going to call me any day now or walk through that front door. I miss you!
I see our friends with her spouses and other people with their spouses and I get so jealous how I would do anything to have you walking by my side or holding my hand or even annoying me so I could complain about how you don't do anything like every wife does about there husbands....lol! I miss talking to you, doing things together, I miss you always wondering what we were going to eat or fix for supper even though when you were alive it drove me nuts because it seemed like that's all you thought about some days...:) You were such a mess, a mess that I love soooooo much. I miss you!
I came to see you on memorial day and put some flowers on your grave. I looked around and saw so many loved ones visiting there loved ones. It looked so nice out there to see all the American flags flying around. I also felt sorry for my self that day because all I could think of was that everyone else was barbecuing with their families or at the lake or on vacation while I was visiting my husbands grave and putting flowers on it. You know its just not fair, its funny how the small things will break your heart. I miss you!
I miss you Randall I will always miss you and I love you! Please wrap your arms around me tonight so I can feel your touch and I can feel your love once again. I love you and I miss you.
Love,
Tiffany
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
5/22/12
So I gave in Honey....I signed Tess up for Weeball...LOL!! I know you are the happiest proudest dad in Heaven right now. And she did so good at her first practice. She actually caught the ball, threw the ball, ran the bases and hit with a bat you would have been so proud of her. Tyler and Christy are coaching the team and as I was watching them on our first practice all I could think of was how you and Tyler would of been coaching and how much fun you both would of had together both coaching your baby girls. It really is lots of fun and too cute watching all the little kids running around trying to play..Precious!
Besides my life getting that much busier now with Tess playing weeball, I was promoted to team leader at work which I am really excited about. That means more responsibility at work and a new challenge. Things are looking up and I owe that to you and our Lord. I know that you are still taking care of us girls and watching over us. You have blessed our lives, my life and are still blessing. Thank you Randall. You are still my knight and shining armor, my hero and the love of my life. I miss you more than words could ever describe but because of your love and God's love I can make through the day with a smile again and I can look at are beautiful children all of them and feel so blessed and so love. We love you and I will talk to you soon.
Always in my heart and love always,
Your wife.....Tiffany
Besides my life getting that much busier now with Tess playing weeball, I was promoted to team leader at work which I am really excited about. That means more responsibility at work and a new challenge. Things are looking up and I owe that to you and our Lord. I know that you are still taking care of us girls and watching over us. You have blessed our lives, my life and are still blessing. Thank you Randall. You are still my knight and shining armor, my hero and the love of my life. I miss you more than words could ever describe but because of your love and God's love I can make through the day with a smile again and I can look at are beautiful children all of them and feel so blessed and so love. We love you and I will talk to you soon.
Always in my heart and love always,
Your wife.....Tiffany
Lets Play Ball!!!!
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