6-14-12

This week has not been a good week. I have really missed you Randall. I miss hearing your voice, talking on the phone with you, and your presence. I feel so lonely without you here. Oh how I wish you could come back to me. I have heard a saying  " I wish there was a direct line to heaven so I could call and talk to you."

I have leaned on the verse this week and have it on my desk " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord." I keep telling myself that because I know there is a reason God took you, I know he has plans for me and the girls, but I just cant help but wonder what and why.

It will be 8 months tomorrow since i last saw you, wow I can't believe its been that long ago. You know it still doesnt seem real. I have accepted that you are gone but it still doesnt feel real I keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare.

Tessa is been saying Daddy alot, wanting to look at your pictures so one day she saw a man in a pick up truck and said "Daddy's truck, Daddy" and I replied no honey that is not daddy, he is in heaven she looked at me puzzled so I said Daddy is in the sky. She lit up and said Daddy in the sky, so every morning on the way to school she lets me know that Daddy is in the sky. It breaks my heart Randall that she does not understand where you are or that she will never have you in her life and that Riley will never know her daddy. It breaks my heart that I have to hear Daddy is in the sky. What am I suppose to do. I am so tired, there is so much responsibility as a single parent, the worries, the good and the bad that both parents share together is now completely on me, oh how I am so tired. So again I tell myself " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord." I know the Lord will see us through this, I know he gives me strength, and I know he carries me when I feel like I cant walk another step through this storm. I know one day he will give me peace.

I love you Randall, I will always love you forever.......Love....Tiffany your wife, soul mate, and best friend.