Reality has hit! I am alone with two daughters, I have no husband to talk to at night, I have no husband to spend my time with, to share the good and the bad. Reality has hit home.
I helped with your cousin Johns wedding today Randall as I set there and listened to Travis do thier vows and bless their marriage I became overwhelmed with sadness, sadness for my self. I was so jealous that everyone was there to celebrate a new marriage, and new journey that two were starting as one. I am so happy for John and Destiny they look so in love and I remember that feeling. I remember when the doors opened at the church and I coudl see you at the end of the isle and no one else existed all I saw was you and how in love I was and still am. Why can I still not have that bliss. Why did God choose us.
Reality has hit home, the sick feeling in my stomach has appeared again the lump in my throat is back and the redness and swelling in my eyes from the unending tears has returned. I am sad today. I am sad that you are not here with me and the girls. My life is not complete with out you but some how I have to figure out how to to complete that cirlce again. This sadness is draining it makes me feel so lost and so numb and I dont like it. Please Lord give me strength. I wish I could wake from this nightmare but unfortunately it is reality.
My prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, I fall to my knees tonight and I pray to you to surround my family. To help us down this journey you have chosen for us. Give me strength to be the best servant of you and the best mother I can be to my girls. Place your healing hands apon my heart for I know you have plans for me lord. Hold me and my girls let us feel your love and presence to recieve joy in our hearts again. Watch over us and protect us from all. You are our father, we seek you in this storm, we have faith in you and we praise your name. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment