8/29/12

Hi My Love,

Its Wednesday night. I just got through bathing the girls, picking up the house, putting up laundry and now sitting down for the evening. I am about to fall over!!! Now just need Tess to fall asleep and then maybe just maybe I can get a little shut eye before one of them wake me again. Lordy, the girls are killing me with sleepless nights. I have been doing good but after about the fourth night of constantly waking throughout the night I am pooped. I have wined about just wishing you were here to help out at night taking turns with the girls but we all know the selective hearing would of came in effect, I could just see it now, " Randall the baby is crying....snoring gets a little louder...Randall are you going to get up....snoring proceeds to get louder, Randall seriously could you get up....snoring overtakes the the ability to hear....never mind....I come back to bed...and you would of said, OK honey I will get up what do I need to do....LOL...ummmm hmmm." You knew how to work it, acting like you were asleep....ummmm hmmm. Just wait babe just wait the day we are united again just wait.

You have been on my mind more and more each day more than normal. I am missing you so much. I have become more emotional again. Craving your presence, there are times I can picture you, smell you, and almost feel you here with me. I miss it, I miss it so much. Mom is moving back to Lovington so it is just me and the girls even though I am ready for that next step of trying to move forward in life it has definitely hit home that you are gone. I sit here every night waiting for the opportunity to go to bed and I cry, I cry for you, I cry because I feel so lost without you. I just wish someone would tell me what to do, how to feel again. Being left behind with out you, going through this storm, its almost like I am having to figure out how to think again, how to talk again, how to walk again, how to cook, clean, sleep, feel, etc....all over again,you loose how to do anything. When you say "I do" and become one with each other you become lost and tangled into this beautiful relationship you have created together, the good and the bad, and when it becomes ripped apart you become lost into a black whole trying to find light. Your emotions are so up and down, you don't know what you are going to feel from one moment to another, happy, sad, happy, angry, happy, numb, sad, happy, etc. When will it ever be normal.

Gosh dang it what were you thinking getting on that damn ATV. I swear to my time. Uggggggh.  I love you but even being gone from this earth you can still make me want to choke you out. Lordy Randall, and don't be saying "Ummmm K" to me right now..LOL! Oh I miss you! I wish you could come back to me. There are days like these past days that I just don't want to accept you are gone. Why do you have to be.....Why, Why, Why? I miss you.

Hold me tight tonight. I need to feel you. I love you Randall Rogers!! Goodnight my Love!!

Your  wife....Tiffany