04/29/12

Hi My Love,

I have missed you today, oh how I have missed you. So I finally had my first night by myself with just the girls since you have been gone, and it went just fine. I finally put my big girl panties on, yea me!!! LOL! And then the girls and I went to the lake. Tess had a blast she played in the mud and ran all over the place. She warmed my heart and made me laugh, her and KK were picking flowers and she walked up to me with her sweet smile and big blue eyes and acted like she was about to give me a bouquet of flowers and then took them backed and walked off....idian giver...LOL!! She is such a mess, never a dull moment with that one.  Riley did well also. Me on the other hand though I put a smile on my face, had some good laughs and enjoyed being there in the same breath I felt like I was crumbing inside. I kept picturing you there, hearing your laughter on the front porch it just wasnt the same with out you there. It just isnt the same with out you here. I know in time things supposedly will get easier but the process is so painful. I am so glad I went to the lake because it was another stepping stone and I look forward to the many other trips there but again I miss you, I need you there, I want you here.  We had so many good times that its hard to even remember any bad times. You made me smile even when you got on my ever loving last nerve.

You know I wonder everyday what is the purpose of this journey God has started me on. Why was I chosen to live a life with out you and our girls with out their daddy. I have faith that we will be ok because I know our God is mighty but I just cant help but wonder why.

I know in my heart honey you are happy and that makes me happy. I miss you but I now I will see you one day and what a wonderful day that will be. Until then watch over us my love, keep us safe and let us feel your love. We love you so much.

                                                                      Forever in my heart,
                                                                      Tiffany

4/24/2012

WHY????? Why is my question tonight? The minute I start to feel somewhat normal I look around and realize my life is not normal and I hate that. I was happily married and was looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you and now that has been taking away? So why did it happen and why do things happen to good people? I look around this house every night when I finally get a few minutes to myself and its quiet I dont have my husband to talk to or or just sit in the same room with. I get so mad that I dont have that anymore. I get so tired of being the only parent in our kids life through the good and the bad and I miss being able to share the good and the bad of our beautiful children with you. Its just not fair. I am doing the best I can but I hate doing it alone I know that sounds selfish and I know I am not the only one that has been left behind to raise children and to live on this earth without thier loved ones but I am going through it right now and guess what it SUCKS!! I was looking at your picture today trying to remember what it felt like to hold your hand or to kiss your lips gosh dang it I want it back.I know I have to face the harsh reality that it will never happen that I will never get to hear your voice, to feel you next to me or kiss your lips but there are days and nights like this one I just dont want to face that reality I want to rewind time. So tonight I am mad, sad and dont want to face reality but the only thing I do know and feel is that I love you sooooooo much and I miss you soooooooo very much.

                                                                                        Love,
                                                                                        Tiffany

4/22/12

Hi Honey,

Its Sunday night and I finally got both kids to bed but of course they are both asleep in my bed. Oh well atleast they are asleep and who is complaining I get to snuggle up to both of my sweet babies.  Well I have a good story for you about Tess you would of have laughed so hard so here it goes. Saturday we were in the living room, mom, Jennifer, me and Riley. Tess was in moms room watching a movie when all the sudden she comes walking into the living room holding her panties and you can guess from that what happened next....lol....she said "Mommy I pooped" seriously what the heck. My jaw dropped to the ground but I laughed so hard and immediately thought of you and what would you have said or done. She is quite the character.

I also wanted you know I mowed the yard like a big girl and I cussed you the whole time... :).....lordy that is hard work I have the blisters to prove it.  I dont know if I ever told you honey but I appreciated so much everything you did for me.  I hope that you knew how much I loved and still love you. You were so good to me and I thank you for that. I miss you and love you all ways.


                                                                           Goodnight my love,
                                                                            Tiffany

4/19/2012

Hey Babe...

Wow what a busy two days.Wednesday we had court I was a nervous wreck. I didn't quite know what to expect, was I going to have to sit there and hear all about the accident and the horrible details? God had a hand in it and thank you Lord I did not have to relive it through details I am not ready to hear. But just hearing the basic story of your last day, hours, and minutes here on earth made me feel like my world had came to an end once again. It just still does not seem real that you are not here with me.  I just have to keep reminding myself one day I will see you in Heaven and will be with you once again.

On another note, today was my first day back at work and it went great. I had lots of fun with the girls at work and they all seemed very happy to see me. I feel so blessed to be there, they have been so nice and supportive throughout these last six months and I really have lots of fun there.

Today felt good getting in a normal routine. Getting the girls ready and myself, getting them in the car and off to daycare, but I will tell you this I was once again reminded of your absence when I looked back as my mom was helping me get the kids loaded up and she was buckling Tess in her seat and instead of seeing your face I saw hers. I miss having you walk us to the car every morning buckling Tess up and saying the few little words " I love you booger and I love you momma" oh how I would do anything to hear that again. So until we are reunited I will just picture you walking us to the car bucking us in and telling us you love us because we love you so much.

Okay, lastly tonight we had a get together at Jamie's it was all the old Hummer girls, me, Jamie, Abbie, Jimmie Lou, Kendra, Ashley and Mindy. We had such a good time and we laughed so hard told many stories and reflected back on many memories. This is how our lives began so thank you Hummers for letting me be able to meet the love of my life. And thank you for a wonderful night of laughter and memories.

Randall Rogers I love you and miss you. Until next time have a great night and we love you so much,
                                                     Tiffany and the girls :)

4/17/2011

Dear Randall,
I LOVE AND MISS YOU EVERY DAY!!

                     LOVE YOU SO MUCH,
                      Tiffany

4/16 continued...

So much on my mind and I want to talk to you about it. Probably the hardest thing is wanting to talk to you and hear your voice and I cant. WHY!!!! We should be living our lives together, growing old together and watching are children grow. We are suppose to got through trials and tribulations, good times and bad times together but I am here alone without you wanting to scream, wanting to hear I LOVE YOU, wanting to feel your touch, wanting to have your presence. It is so frustrating. It makes me feel like I could crawl out of my skin. You are suppose to be here with me. I wish the clock could turn back time, so I could see you one more time. Oh how I miss you.

There are days that it just doesn't seem real that I am waiting to receive a phone call or a text message from you or that you will walk through that door any moment now. Just the other day I reached for my phone to call you and then I realized I couldn't. This is not a good night for me. I miss you, I get mad at you, and most of all I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you.

Lord hold me right now because I am struggling, take my emptiness away, my confusion away and my heartache away. I am trying to understand your way and have faith that I will get through this and that you needed him more than me. I pray for peace and knowing that I will see Randall again one day. Surround us with you love oh lord for I need to feel it right now.

                                                                            I love you,
                                                                            Tiffany

4/16/2011

Good morning my love!
Wow I woke up this morning realizing I have so much to do and so little time. I really need to work on this procrastinating.  Lol!!! The girls went to daycare today little miss Tess was as you would say being little today, but she was fine once we got there and miss Riley was all smiles she kept me up every two to three hours last night. So needless to say momma is tired this morning but no rest for the weary gots to get busy on getting everything done before work on Thursday.

Have a wonderful day I know you will because you are in paradise. I will try to come and visit you this week before I go back to work. I love you so much.

                                               Talk to you soon,
                                                Tiffany

Letters to Randall

4/15/12

Well it’s been six months today, oh how we miss you.  Miss Riley is getting so big and Tess is growing up herself. I wish you were here to watch them grow and develop their own personalities. Tay came down a couple of weeks ago and we all had so much fun together, she has become a beautiful young lady well a teenager I am not ready for her to grow up just yet.   There are days it seems impossible to do this alone without you but then God gives me strength.  I never realized how much you did for me and how much I depended on you. You were my rock. There are days I feel so lost without you here.

I go back to work this week, I am excited but then I am not I have really enjoyed my time off.  It has given me the time to spend with our children and to start trying to figure out how to start turning my world right side up even though at times it still feels upside down. But we are figuring new things out each day and learning how to lean on each other.

I really need you this week so I pray to God that not only will he be present and carry through some storms this week but to also have you by my side. Honey I ask for you to wrap your loving arms around me hold my hand and once again be my rock. I love you so much and I thank you again for loving me the way you did and still do.

Until next time, remember we love you forever and always.

                                                                                                With all my love my sweet angel,

                                                                                                Tiffany